Compassionate Living…

Maybe it’s my background in Psychology. Maybe it’s just a part of who I am. Either way, all I know is I have been on a life long quest to discover my passion… the thing(s) that get me up in the morning and put a smile on my face. The stuff that makes life worth living. You know… the dream of your soul that makes all of the hard times worth it.

Knowing yourself seems like it should be the easiest thing in the world but often we run into self-doubt. We get caught up in the desires or dreams of others or simply get lost in the routine of our daily lives… spouse/partner, children, parents, work, school, etc.

We spend so much time worrying about the other people in our lives that we forget to take care of ourselves. Soon we begin to feel drained, disenchanted with life. The sparkle in our eyes begins to fade and we forget why we started down this path in the first place. We find ourselves asking these questions, “How did I get here?” “What do I want from life?” “What was my dream again?”

I know it may sound crazy to some of you out there but there are people who truly don’t know anything about themselves, right down to their favorite color! “Do I really like blue or is that just because it’s his/her favorite color?” “Do I actually want to be a doctor or am I just going through the motions because that’s what my parents have always want?”

If you have ever seen the movie Runaway Bride you know exactly what I’m talking about. Some people bend themselves around other people to the point they can’t even recognize their own reflection. One day they wake up and realize that they are trapt in a life of someone else’s making. The clothes they wear, the way they wear their hair, the foods they eat, the places they visit, the house they live in, the friends they spend time with, even their profession are not what they themselves started off wanting… they just created themselves in the image of what the other person wanted. From small things like, “I don’t really want to see that movie but I don’t want to rock the boat I know he/she really wants to see it.” To bigger things, “I don’t really want to have kids but I know it’s really important to him/her.” If the person their life was wrapped around was ever to leave they would be left living with a stranger… their self. Would life still make sense?

So, what can we do to keep from falling into this trap? Well, for starters we can take some time to just with ourselves - no distractions (cell phones, kids, spouse/partner, etc.) The point is to be alone, with yourself, doing something you’ve always wanted to do but never have, for whatever reason. Go for a walk, read a book, go out to eat somewhere you’ve always wanted to try, go to a movie you’ve always wanted to see, take a trip. The most important thing is that you are doing this ALONE. You are getting to know your self; your likes and dislikes.

Another idea, and this one may scare some of you, is to simply sit quietly by yourself with nothing but your thoughts. This means no distractions. Turn off the phone(s), turn off the tv, tell people to leave you alone, and just sit. Listen to the thoughts roaming around in your head. Write stuff down that pops up. Think about what you used to want when you were a kid, things that brought you joy. Maybe you still have some of that in your life which is wonderful. If not, take stock of what you feel is missing and then think about ways you can bring some of that joy back into your life. Were you always into art but now feel that you’re ‘not talented’? Go ahead and buy some paint, a canvas, pencils, whatever strikes your fancy and just do it. Do it for you. This is your life and what you want is important. Be a little selfish (it’s really OK).

Now, by being a little selfish I don’t mean completely shut out everyone in your life, become reclusive, stop paying the bills, etc. There are still responsibilities in life that must be met but we could all stand to be a little selfish. Treat yourself to a little something now and then. So the kids won’t have the latest iPod or Nikes, who cares, they’ll get over it! Buy yourself a new CD, a coffee, a new dress (or suit, or fancy underwear, or whatever). The point is if we don’t treat ourselves occasionally we start to feel a little neglected, even resentful. Now… I’m not saying spend the kid’s college tuition on a new car. That’s pushing it.

In a world of keeping up with the Jones’ and go-go-go we all need to stop and take a minute to make sure we’re still heading in the right direction, heading towards our dreams. If we don’t take care of ourselves we can never expect to be able to care for anyone else, at least not in a genuine way.

So, in closing, here are a few questions to ponder to get you started. Don’t worry if you don’t know the answers right away. Just take some time to mull them over. You’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

1. If money was not an issue, what would you be doing?
2. When you go online or to the library, what do you most like to read about?
3. Think about the last few times you said to yourself: I’d like to do that sometime. What was “that”?
4. What do other people say you do particularly well? (If you’re not sure or no one has ever said, don’t be afraid to ask.)
5. What could you do that would bring back the kind of excitement you felt as a kid?

I wish you the best of luck in your quest to reacquaint you with your ‘Self’.

-Tiger

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